Rejection

Fear of rejection is common among teenagers these days, especially for a late teen like myself. I fear rejection especially so. I can't remember the countless times where I fumbled and struggled to be accepted amongst my peers, just to avoid the humiliation in public rejection. As a high school kid, I was never almost in-line with my classmates. Then it reached a stage where I thought to myself, "wait a minute, why do I have to succumb to their lifestyles?".

So I started to form a personality of my own. I didn't purposely do things I didn't want to do just to be accepted. Rather, I tried to form a seperate identity for myself and hope it would be something they would respect (or hopefully just not reject).

I started by being more humble. The way I walked, my body language, took form of someone not of any authority, but rather of simplicity. I used to walk with my hands in my pockets, signifying disclosure in pride in myself. Then I changed by taking my hands out, and started using more hand gestures when I speak. I immediately saw its effects. People saw me as more friendly and approachable.

Aside from that, the way I speak also changed. I decided that, in order to build a character people would listen to with respect, I would first need to gain that respect. So instead of speaking and expecting my opinion to count, I spoke as if nobody would listen, and tried to gain their approval humbly. Perhaps the difference in speech might not seem like alot. But the different approach I had in my mind made a huge difference in my speech pattern, and alot of people took notice. Soon, my opinions were being highly regarded, not only amongst my peers, but to the authorities in school as well.

How often I spoke changed as well. In my highschool years, my most commonly applied principle was 'a leader always listens'. In conversations, I was noticably quieter. When people spoke, I consciously listened. People liked this alot. & when it was my turn to speak, in turn, they listened as well. I also paid alot of attention to group discussions. During breaks, while everyone would be yapping at the canteen table, I would be pouring my attention into my own food, but listening. Rather pointless, you might think, but I gained alot of information on the different personalities people have, giving me leverage when I try to convince them for something. This, you can only get by listening.

Building character is a conscious process. Im glad I took my time and achieved what I wanted. Self improvement is the best way to live my life, period. :)

Written by,
Goh Keng Yu @ Daniel