Getting the message across; Part 1

I had a talk with a friend 2 days ago. This friend was deeply troubled. He had 8 chores to do everyday when he got home from college, and this was tiring him out. He was becoming frustrated, because his 2 siblings, had 0 chores to do, and were just allowed to do anything they wanted. He was becoming a cinderella in he house, & he didn't know how to get the message across.

We were having dinner together in a Banana Leaf mamak together 1 night, when I suddenly noticed he was exceptionally quiet. It was a hint that something was up in his mind, but nonetheless, too little to get me suspicious. Then, when we talked, he started to raise his tone uncontrollably in anger, then lowered it very low when he realized his own actions. His face could also show he was being emotional. All this was what it took to make me realize my friend was in trouble, and we needed to talk.

At first I asked, "what seems to be the problem?". But he refused to disclose. It was always his nature to "suck things up"; but was also his bad habit to suck the bigger problems up and never let it out as well. & I realized I had to get my friend to talk, or he would suffer from emotional stress. Knowing this, I had to do something else than just ask a question to get him to spill it.

And so I decided i'd apply my knowledge from my Human Communication lectures. I started off by leaning inward, and speaking with a lower tone, "friend, talk to me. Something is up, and im listening". I chose my words carefully, as I had an option of giving him a long speech, or just saying a short sentence. Something told me he wouldn't want to listen to a long speech, given he was being in that emotional state.

He then started to express himself, starting off with a huge sigh, like he couldn't get it out of his chest. His story begun not long after, & I was surprised at how big the trouble had grown and spiralled, since he was in secondary school. Should he have got the message across earlier, things might not have been too bad. Now he was already saving up money to move out of the house. I knew this was irrational, & started to offer my friendly advice.

The conversation would not have taken place if not for the bodily hints that he was giving to me unintentionally. Some body language is hard to read, but with the help of other non-verbal ques, such as his facial expressions, and how his tone was screwing up, the message became more obvious. I also had to show certain body language to get him to open himself to me, and choose my words wisely when I spoke. These are all important forms of communication, that eventually lead to my success in getting him to speak.

Written by,
Goh Keng Yu @ Daniel